The picture was taken in the backyard of our townhouse in Eastport. It was the first house Christopher and I purchased together. It was perfect - for just us.
Back then my evenings were filled with walks with Guinness. Now my evenings are filled with the hurry-up of taking care of other humans - soccer training, ensuring everyone has been fed (that one is exhausting), and decision making.
I remember being pregnant with Andrew and the pure joy of it all. I loved it (minus the 9-month sobriety that came with it). I loved feeling that baby in my belly. I was excited to see this human that my husband and I had fun creating. I was excited to see what he looked like. I expected this dark-haired, brown-eyed baby. Instead I got a baby with reddish hair, blue eyes, and big feet. I shoulda known about the feet.
When I look at this picture now, though, I think - man, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had no idea I was going to be responsible for feeding this alien inside my belly ALL. THE. TIME. Every damn night these babies expect dinner. Even on the weekends. I had no idea that my husband and I were going to be faced with making decisions that would have so much effect on the life of that baby in my belly. I had no idea that my fuck ups, my joys, my ideas would have such an impact on the life of someone other than myself. I had no idea what the hell I was getting into.
Every morning I'm greeted with "good morning, Mom!" and sometimes I feel like I need to look behind me to see who it is they're talking to ... just yesterday I was standing in the backyard of our little townhouse having my picture taken because I had a giant belly. Suddenly - it's 14 years later and I've even added to the menagerie. Now I have TWO babies. TWO dogs.
Over the last 18 years, Christopher and I have managed to live an extraordinary life. When I walked into the Outback Lodge in Charlottesville, VA, on June 9, 2000, I had no idea how much my life was going to change that night. I had no idea exactly what I was signing up for when standing in that courtyard in Key West 16 years ago, staring (up) at my husband, anxiously awaiting the part when I could kiss on him after it was announced "you are now husband and wife".
But we never really know what lies ahead. And sometimes that is scary as shit. Sometimes in this extraordinary life, the unexpected happens and your entire equilibrium is thrown off. Because shit happens. Change is a scary, scary thing. But staying stagnant isn't an option. And if you don't take that leap into the unknown - then what??
Sometimes I find myself wondering just how I got here. Sometimes I wonder what I've gotten myself into. And then I think - man -I wouldn't change any of this for the entire world.