Well, it's that time of year ... again. The guilt-inducing time affectionately known as session, when I'm away from home more than I'm home and I don't see my children nearly as often as I should and it. kills. me. Typically at this point in the Session I'm a mess of tears and guilt and exhaustion, but for some reason, my office is kicking ass this year. Over the course of this year's crunch, I had an entire 2 days off. That's 2 more days off than I've ever had during the 27-day span of crunch that I dread every year. I don't understand it either. The bill count is exactly the same. But for some reason, we are getting these bills out a lot more timely. I refuse to give credit to the OIS department, because the system on which they insist we publish is total shit. So I'm going to chalk it up to one of two things - either we have lowered our standards and have a complete lack of concern for the way the publications look when they leave our office; or the operators responsible for creating the paperwork we read to have done a fantastic job polishing the turds that come over to my office.
Anywho - this year I've not melted into the ball of tears I have in previous years. I've not had melt-down city at work. I've not lost my shit on anyone (yet). I've not felt the need to stay home to take a mental health day (though I did miss 2 days due to illness. And I was truly sick, man. That was some terrible shit).
Andrew was born in November and I took the allowed 3 months maternity leave after I had him. I returned to work the Monday after the official ending of crunch. And I was a mess. I am not a stay-at-home mom, but I'm certainly one who would rather work part time. I don't like getting home so late - all the time. I struggled through that session terribly and everyone told me that it would get easier once Andrew was older.
So once Andrew was older, we had another child. Naturally. But with Davis coming to us in August, I wasn't as lucky to miss any session with my maternity leave with him. But it was still a very difficult session nonetheless.
And each session since then has been incredibly hard. Last year I had a complete meltdown in front of the head drafter. He was so unsure of how to handle it, he asked if it was something HE had done. Clearly he doesn't have any daughters. I was a complete mess. Simply mentioning Davis's name would bring me to tears. I just missed my babies - and my man - and I wanted to spend some quality time with all of them.
So as Session approached this year, the annual dread also approached. I knew I was going to miss my babies and my man. But for some reason, the pain and guilt and sorrow hasn't surfaced as much as it usually does. I mean, I wish I were home every night to prepare a nice meal and ask about their school days and take them to an after-school activity and tuck them into bed, but when I'm not, I don't melt down. Can I chalk that up to them being older? Can I chalk that up to my husband being awesome? Can I chalk it up to me not caring anymore? Hell if I know ... but it feels a lot better while I'm at work ... and it is making the session pass a lot faster. And then ... 90 days later it'll be over and I'll have all the time in the world to do whatever I want to do!!
Anywho - this year I've not melted into the ball of tears I have in previous years. I've not had melt-down city at work. I've not lost my shit on anyone (yet). I've not felt the need to stay home to take a mental health day (though I did miss 2 days due to illness. And I was truly sick, man. That was some terrible shit).
Andrew was born in November and I took the allowed 3 months maternity leave after I had him. I returned to work the Monday after the official ending of crunch. And I was a mess. I am not a stay-at-home mom, but I'm certainly one who would rather work part time. I don't like getting home so late - all the time. I struggled through that session terribly and everyone told me that it would get easier once Andrew was older.
So once Andrew was older, we had another child. Naturally. But with Davis coming to us in August, I wasn't as lucky to miss any session with my maternity leave with him. But it was still a very difficult session nonetheless.
And each session since then has been incredibly hard. Last year I had a complete meltdown in front of the head drafter. He was so unsure of how to handle it, he asked if it was something HE had done. Clearly he doesn't have any daughters. I was a complete mess. Simply mentioning Davis's name would bring me to tears. I just missed my babies - and my man - and I wanted to spend some quality time with all of them.
So as Session approached this year, the annual dread also approached. I knew I was going to miss my babies and my man. But for some reason, the pain and guilt and sorrow hasn't surfaced as much as it usually does. I mean, I wish I were home every night to prepare a nice meal and ask about their school days and take them to an after-school activity and tuck them into bed, but when I'm not, I don't melt down. Can I chalk that up to them being older? Can I chalk that up to my husband being awesome? Can I chalk it up to me not caring anymore? Hell if I know ... but it feels a lot better while I'm at work ... and it is making the session pass a lot faster. And then ... 90 days later it'll be over and I'll have all the time in the world to do whatever I want to do!!