I was scrolling through my Twitter feed recently (and I should note that I have a Twitter feed only to keep up-to-date on some news. It seems most news outlets get their news FROM Twitter, so ... anyway, I digress ...) and came upon another article written by a blogger and picked up by a reputable news source. I read the headline and thought, maybe I should read this and make sure I'm not doing any of these things and forever damaging my children or causing them harm!! So I did ... I read it.
Six things every parent needs to stop doing right now
And by the end of it I was as pissed off about these types of articles as I have been each other time I've read an article written similarly. Let me tell you why -
I don't want to speak for all moms (and right now is a particularly rough time for me anyway), but this mom is tired of being made to feel guilty about the way I may or may not parent.
And so I read this list and I thought - yea, you know what? This all makes sense. It does. But sometimes I'm tired. I'm one of those women who (GASP!!) works full time. And sometimes, during the really bad time at work, when I've worked a 12-hour day, I may not have the patience to correct my children the best way. So when the author writes,
Sure - that's the right thing to do. I know it; you know it. Every parent knows it. And when a mom loses her shit on her kid because he's using his hands instead of his fork, she's not proud of herself. But she doesn't need a blogger on the other end of a keyboard pointing that shit out to her either. She KNOWS the right way to do it. But sometimes, the right way is elusive. Sometimes she is so fucking tired, she couldn't care less about which way is the right way.
So I have to ask - can't we just stop? Can't we just support each other regardless of how each other parents? Stay-at-home mom? That's awesome! Working mom? Great! Good for you! Each of us has our own reason for doing what we do. But instead of judging each other and telling each other HOW we should parent so that our children won't be all fucked up when they're older, let's support each other and help each other through what is likely the hardest thing to do ever.
Six things every parent needs to stop doing right now
And by the end of it I was as pissed off about these types of articles as I have been each other time I've read an article written similarly. Let me tell you why -
I don't want to speak for all moms (and right now is a particularly rough time for me anyway), but this mom is tired of being made to feel guilty about the way I may or may not parent.
And so I read this list and I thought - yea, you know what? This all makes sense. It does. But sometimes I'm tired. I'm one of those women who (GASP!!) works full time. And sometimes, during the really bad time at work, when I've worked a 12-hour day, I may not have the patience to correct my children the best way. So when the author writes,
"Instead of barking orders at our children, try to get them to cooperate. Try “I’m slammed with work tonight. Anything you can do to help with the dinner dishes would really make a difference for me."
So I have to ask - can't we just stop? Can't we just support each other regardless of how each other parents? Stay-at-home mom? That's awesome! Working mom? Great! Good for you! Each of us has our own reason for doing what we do. But instead of judging each other and telling each other HOW we should parent so that our children won't be all fucked up when they're older, let's support each other and help each other through what is likely the hardest thing to do ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm a little overly sensitive to this stuff - and I admit that. It's not that I would rather stay at home (though sometimes I think it would be so much easier). I wouldn't. I love my career. But I also feel guilty about leaving my children.
I also know that it takes a village to raise a family. And the village my family is surrounded by is pretty fucking awesome. And without them I'd be lost. And I'm pretty sure that if I had been a stay-at-home mom while my children were not school-age, they would have been bored beyond belief (I'm not that type of mom, trust).
This article set me off. It's not the first article listing the right way to talk to your children. And I know it won't be the last. And it won't be the last time I get all worked up about something like this.
But I promise you - it's the last time I will write about it (though I did just write that with my fingers crossed!).