My life is divided into two time frames - the life I had before my nephew died and the life I have now, after he's gone. His death completely changed me - I'm not sure for better or worse, but it changed me. I know that one thing it did do for certain is make me acutely aware of how quickly life can change; and it made me realize how little I'd been appreciating the life I'd been afforded before his death.
I was the woman who never really wanted children until I met my husband. My roommate my freshman year in college would want to go to the park down the street from our dorm and watch the children play on the playground equipment - just because she loved hearing their giggles, she loved seeing them running and enjoying themselves. I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend my free time in college. Of course, her career path completely suits her now - a NICU flight nurse. Once I met my husband I couldn't wait to breed. I couldn't wait to create someone to love as much as I loved him (and Guinness, but he knows that). When I met him I couldn't wait to do two things - stand in front of our families and declare my love for him; and I couldn't wait to breed.
When a tragedy occurs like the one that unfolded in Sandy Hook two Decembers ago, I find myself avoiding that news story altogether. It brings out in me the pain that I have felt for my nephew all over again - but only on a slightly smaller scale. I feel pain not only for the children and what they must have experienced just before their deaths, but more for their parents. Moving on after a tragedy like that is impossible ... and though some parents pretend to do so, they do it under false pretense. They do it because they're sick and not admitting to the fact that they're depressed and grieving and sick. And I ache for them almost as much as I ached for my brother immediately after he lost his son. It is a sad, sad, sad thing. And it is something that no parent should ever have to do. No parent should ever have to bury their child - and no parent should ever have to bury their 8-year-old child.
Recently the father of the 20-year-old boy who took the lives of those kindergartners in Connecticut has decided that it is time to speak to the media. He spent several hours over several days speaking to a reporter for the New Yorker Magazine. I hope a weight has been lifted from his shoulders ... whew. But this is what I struggle with ...
He said to the reporter that he hadn't spoken to his son in 2 years - yet there were no warning signs about the attack prior to it happening.
So my next question as the reporter would have been - how in the hell would you know? You hadn't spoken to him in 2 years!
Peter Lanza divorced Nancy Lanza in 2009 and neglected to speak to his son for the next 2 years. This is something I can't wrap my head around. He divorced his wife, not his son. What the hell could he possibly have been thinking. His son had been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. And he couldn't take the time to check in with him? Spend a little time with him?
As far as I'm concerned he's as guilty as the son who pulled the trigger. It is hoped that he lives with that every day (though judging from the interview, he doesn't). My hope is that now that he has said his peace he will again disappear into the darkness and allow these people who have suffered through every parents' worst nightmare to grieve without his bullshit.
Peter Lanza Interview with The New Yorker
I was the woman who never really wanted children until I met my husband. My roommate my freshman year in college would want to go to the park down the street from our dorm and watch the children play on the playground equipment - just because she loved hearing their giggles, she loved seeing them running and enjoying themselves. I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend my free time in college. Of course, her career path completely suits her now - a NICU flight nurse. Once I met my husband I couldn't wait to breed. I couldn't wait to create someone to love as much as I loved him (and Guinness, but he knows that). When I met him I couldn't wait to do two things - stand in front of our families and declare my love for him; and I couldn't wait to breed.
When a tragedy occurs like the one that unfolded in Sandy Hook two Decembers ago, I find myself avoiding that news story altogether. It brings out in me the pain that I have felt for my nephew all over again - but only on a slightly smaller scale. I feel pain not only for the children and what they must have experienced just before their deaths, but more for their parents. Moving on after a tragedy like that is impossible ... and though some parents pretend to do so, they do it under false pretense. They do it because they're sick and not admitting to the fact that they're depressed and grieving and sick. And I ache for them almost as much as I ached for my brother immediately after he lost his son. It is a sad, sad, sad thing. And it is something that no parent should ever have to do. No parent should ever have to bury their child - and no parent should ever have to bury their 8-year-old child.
Recently the father of the 20-year-old boy who took the lives of those kindergartners in Connecticut has decided that it is time to speak to the media. He spent several hours over several days speaking to a reporter for the New Yorker Magazine. I hope a weight has been lifted from his shoulders ... whew. But this is what I struggle with ...
He said to the reporter that he hadn't spoken to his son in 2 years - yet there were no warning signs about the attack prior to it happening.
So my next question as the reporter would have been - how in the hell would you know? You hadn't spoken to him in 2 years!
Peter Lanza divorced Nancy Lanza in 2009 and neglected to speak to his son for the next 2 years. This is something I can't wrap my head around. He divorced his wife, not his son. What the hell could he possibly have been thinking. His son had been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. And he couldn't take the time to check in with him? Spend a little time with him?
As far as I'm concerned he's as guilty as the son who pulled the trigger. It is hoped that he lives with that every day (though judging from the interview, he doesn't). My hope is that now that he has said his peace he will again disappear into the darkness and allow these people who have suffered through every parents' worst nightmare to grieve without his bullshit.
Peter Lanza Interview with The New Yorker