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| One of the many Session mornings the boys walked me to the door to say goodbye. |
... guess what happened to THIS working mom??! You guessed it - melt. down. city. And I think part of the issue was that in some of the footage, one of the mothers was playing with a child who was so young ... just a baby. Lying on the floor, putting her face in his stomach; patting his bum with her hand; swaying with him in her arms as she looked out the window. Goddammit. Just typing that and imagining it in my mind again is bringing tears to my eyes.
It's not that I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I absolutely do not. I've expressed that more than once in this blog. I'm not cut out for it. It's not who I am. It's just that what I want is for life to just slow the fuck down. In the mornings I'm always so fucking rushed to get out of the house, to get the boys dressed, to get their lunches packed, to make sure homework is completed. And on the weekends we're always so rushed to get to soccer games and get to the grocery store and to get to wherever the fuck it is we absolutely NEED to be so that sooner rather than later my babies are going to be rushing out of the house to catch the plane to college and I'm going to be sitting in the family room wondering what the fuck just happened.
I love my boys (all 5 of them - Christopher, Andrew, Davis, Dexter Dogley, and Big!); and I - and they! - would go crazy being around each other all the time. But man - sometimes I just wish I didn't have anywhere to be so soon. And sometimes I wish they were still only 9 months old.